Letters From the Bus
“Freaky Guy Who Smells Like Dog” Edition
Dear Freaky Guy Who Smells Like Dog:
Why do you smell so heavily of wet dog? Every time you get on the bus, I am puzzled by your odor. You don’t look like the sort of person to whom people would entrust their pets, and after brief yet numerous moments of scrutiny, I have yet to see any animal hair on your clothing. This leads me to believe that either you wallow each morning in a pack of moist, stink-laden poodles, or that you personally emit the smell of a highly active labrador retriever with very little regard for his personal hygiene. Given that the former is more improbable, and that I surely would have seen some evidence of dog on you at some point, I am choosing to believe the latter.
But still, I wasn’t aware this was a smell that humans were capable of producing without the aid of a canine friend. You have taught me something. Thank you for this mind-expanding yet olfactory system-bending experience, now please, kindly sit downwind.
Incidentally, if you are reading this and you smell like yams, I am not referring to you. You are Mysteriously Yammy Man, not Freaky Guy Who Smells Like Dog. However, I would also like to know why you always, ALWAYS smell like yams. I look forward to your reply.
Best,
Lily