YouTube Knows Something ‘Bout Birthing Babies
And also, “the business end”
What do you do when your pregnant wife starts feeling a little uncomfortable close to her due date? Google “how to deliver a baby,” and watch Youtube videos, of course! Marc Stephens, an engineer (dork, of course!) from Cornwall, did just that–and guess what? It came in handy! Whilst Mr. Stephens was boning up on emergency deliveries, his wife was awakened from her slumber by five-minute-apart-contractions, signaling the impending arrival of a bebeh! The Stephens had planned on a home-birth with a midwife, but when they called ’round that stropping cow was busy! The midwife told the Stephens to call the ambulance as she was too busy knifing the crud from her hooves.
The ambulance was called, but, as we all know, bebehs! wait for no man or team of medical personnel. Mr. Stephens, who had Royal Navy training, swabbed the decks, hoisted the mainsail and fished off the port bow for a new son. “This is our fourth child now and while for our first I spent most of the time at my wife’s head, now I’m not afraid to go down to the business end,” he said.
I would like to take a moment here to point out some fuckery with the BBC article–I guess it is great that the man delivered a baby, but where is the amazement and/or adulation for Jo Stephens? I mean, here is a woman, having a good sleep when she is woken up by searing pain in her baby factory. She tells her hubby, who rings around and finds out that her midwife is “too busy” and the ambulance is late. Her husband, who was too skeeved to be near her vagina during the first three births, tells her he has been looking at strangers give birth for a few hours and now feels confident that he, too, can deliver a baby. And I am not saying he couldn’t, or that you couldn’t, or that he did a bad job. What I am saying is that I would have passed the fuck out. Give that lady a medal.