New Zealand Rubs Their Penguins in Our Faces
It’s not enough that New Zealand is a geographically diverse and beautiful country filled with hospitable people, home to sheep whose only apparent jobs are sitting around adding to the ambience, and has the highest life satisfaction rate among its people in the world. Those assholes have to rub our faces in it by having penguins, too. New Zealand is home to nine different species of Penguins, and as such, they have labeled themselves the penguin capital of the world. So what do you do when your country is thick with penguins and you want to thumb your nose at other, non-penguin-having countries? You make them earn their keep by showing off in sporting events, like football/soccer, Frisbee, surfing, swing ball and waddle races, of course.
That’s right, you host a goddamned penguin olympics, or as they’re calling it, a Penguathalon. This month the fine folks at Kelly Tarlton Arctic Encounter Underwater World in Orakei, New Zealand are extending a middle finger to the rest of the world, showing us just how great their jobs are as they showcase the variety of enrichment activities they have developed to increase the quality of life of the penguins in their colony. Gregg Anderson, Tourism New Zealand’s Regional Manager for UK and Europe explains:
“New Zealand has the greatest diversity of penguin species and is arguably the best place in the world to see them. As well as being great fun, the Penguathlon gives people a fantastic chance to get up close with them as well as gaining a better understanding about their welfare”
Oh, shut up, Gregg. You’re just sticking the boot in and using your charming Kiwi accent to do it.
In case you don’t already hate New Zealand enough, here’s an incredibly cute video of Penguathalon activities. It doesn’t have any audio, which seems to imply New Zealanders have some sense of mercy, but that’s all just part of their siren song. I will not succumb! Away foul temptress! Or, in this case, fowl temptress…