Words I Won’t Live By
The list grows
An open letter to MSNBC
Dear MSNBC,
Why must you make me want to kill you in the face? I just got back from kicking CNN’s collective ass for their use of “weisure,” and quite frankly, I’m exhausted. Rest assured, however, that I am never too tired for a portmanteau pummeling, and your recent use of “twintern” is begging for one.
Twintern? Really? You seem to define this abominable bit of linguistic fuckery as “interns in charge of their companies’ Twitter feeds,” but not only does the word suck a mighty suck for merely existing, it also falls short in communicating what you actually mean. It sounds more like something the media would have labeled George Bush’s daughters when they found summer jobs while in college–yes, I could have almost forgiven you calling the Bush girls twinterns. It would have been jokey, the meaning would have been clear, and, most importantly, it would have been fleeting. I also may have been able to forgive the word if it was coined by some vapid, cutesie girl on The Hills when she and another intern showed up to work wearing the same outfit. Granted, I can’t forgive The Hills for existing, but it would have made more sense, and again, it would have amounted to so much verbal flotsam. But you, MSNBC, you’re a news source. You’re trying to introduce this word into our culture. You gave it a god damned coming out party!
Your writers are supposed to be people with degrees in journalism or English–lovers of lingua franca. They should be part of the Word Nerd Club, the custodians of our language, not bastards gleefully poking it to death with sharpened sticks as it howls in pain. My point is, stop it! It’s both stupid and stupid. It is also, dare I say, stupid. So, enough already! Cease and desist, or I will be forced to make up portmanteaus to describe stupid portmanteaus, you “fucktards.” Oh, and I will still brick you in the face–this is not an either/or situation.
Kigards (That means “kindest regards.” See? Stupid, isn’t it?),
Lily the Pink