Crocs on Their Way Out
That sound you’re hearing is the collective hurrah of a million detractors
According to the Washington Post, Crocs are on their last legs. They say the foam footwear was borne of the economic boom and is now a victim of the bust, but–wait a minute, WaPo. Crocs aren’t expensive, so if it was an economic matter you’d think they’d be faring well. Don’t you think a better explanation is that during the boom people were in the throes of an insane spending frenzy and would buy anything put in front of them, and now that times are a bit tougher they are no longer out of their damned minds?
Let me apologize up front if you are currently wearing a pair of Crocs or you have a wardrobe full of them and consider them the best footwear ever. Wear them all you want. I would never tell you not to do so, but I will make fun of you for it because they are silly. Don’t get me wrong; I am sure they are quite comfortable. They would have to be in order to make people willing to wear them, but if you choose to leave the house looking like an insane gardener that is your choice, and you don’t need me to tell you that.
I remember when I first saw a person wearing a pair. I even remember where I was. I was at the IGA on Columbia Road in DC. I was standing in line behind a very smelly person whose scent was like a wall of air denying evil, so I kept having to turn around to breathe. One of times I turned around to gasp for air I happened to be looking down, and there they were: Crocs. I was startled, and remember thinking “Huh, when did gardening clogs become fashionable?” I was so startled I nearly forgot I shouldn’t face forward and breathe. And then it happened–they populated the earth with their rubbery, foamy, garishly colored ridiculousness and I learned what true hate was.
So now, if they are, as the Washington Post suggests, going away, I bid them a fond farewell, but all fondness is directed squarely at the farewell part, and not at the shoes themselves.
Feel free to disagree with me in the comments. Maybe you can make me understand the allure.