Do You LOVE Twilight?
IYKWIMAITYD
(That was for you, baby fish mouth.)
Sometimes a girl (or guy) just needs a good old-fashioned vampire dicking, but until now they’ve been relatively difficult to come by (no pun intended), and most often involved a Twilight novel, an active imagination and a feeling of emptiness (every pun intended). If only there were jiggly, silicone replicas of vampire phalluses available for purchase, these moments would be so much more fulfilling (or just filling). Alas, such things do not exist –until now!
Yes, that’s right, the wait for a Twilight dildo is over, and you can finally put a little sparkle in your, uh, love life. Tantus has added The Vamp to its product catalog. (WARNING: The link contains a product image and is not safe for work.) It’s sparkly with a “deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon’s glow,” and guaranteed to add more “reality” to your imaginary sex life.
A Robert Pattinson poster is not included, so here’s a Twilight video hack set to The Lonely Island’s Jizz in My Pants to help you get the party of one started.
Thanks person who passed along this link, but probably doesn’t want his name mentioned!