These choices have very little to do with the songs themselves; these are videos that either  made the medium better through innovation, or made the songs better by capturing something or adding another dimension to it or to the artist. We allowed ourselves only one video from each artist or group because certain artists tend to be more video oriented. That made it much more difficult, and keeping it to 50 nearly proved to be lethal, but we made it!

Here they are, in no particular order. We hope you have as much fun with them as we did. Let us know what you think. What would you add to the list to make it more definitive?

The Avalanches – Frontier Psychiatrist
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U8BWBn26bX0

Thom Yorke and UNKLE – Rabbit in Your Headlights
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z3ClCwcCvdQ

Weezer – Buddy Holly
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FiIC5qcXeNU

Art of Noise – Close to the Edit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KxidefcsjDc

Soundgarden – Black Hole Sun
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qiSkyEyBczU

Pulp – This is Hardcore
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7BmL-7Y1kw8

Portishead – Glory Box
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yF-GvT8Clnk

Jamiroquai – Virtual Insanity
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gJmX1z1NY2c

OK Go! – Here it Goes Again
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pv5zWaTEVkI

Fatboy Slim – Weapon of Choice
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aZbckwYY9r4

Billy Joel – Pressure
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sGksmlTWCFE

Talking Heads – Once in a Lifetime
http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x12spb_talking-heads-once-in-a-lifetime_music

Outkast – The Whole World
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p5UJjQt3bkM

Fiona Apple – Criminal
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uTpvjNn2BUM

Nirvana – Heart Shaped Box
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SK7Ai9dWrRQ

Kaiser Chiefs – Everything is Average Nowadays
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpYj7-YMGqA

Timbaland and Magoo – Here We Come
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ial3ZY0rtpw

Madonna – Like a Prayer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uORcKfgVJaE

Chemical Brothers – Let Forever Be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hmpxsk3dHaA

Peter Gabriel – Sledgehammer
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hqyc37aOqT0

Genesis – Land of Confusion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oepXF2B5NK4

Beck – Loser
http://www.metacafe.com/watch/1513185/beck_loser/

Beastie Boys – Intergalactic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GDS83yrM30Y

Super Furry Animals – It’s Not The End of the World?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUoc6Wv72cs

Garbage – Push It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oDtU_ofJzus

Madness – Our House
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4p4RWBCEFRo

Jane’s Addiction – Been Caught Stealing
http://www.guba.com/watch/3000045834

Smashing Pumpkins – Tonight, Tonight
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YEvVIgCm1zg

Radiohead – Street Spirit
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nPX3u0XJzKM

REM – Losing my Religion
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eB3VTX0pxoE

2Pac – California Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWOsbGP5Ox4

Blur – Coffee & TV
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KCe5yiMWPbA

Frankie Goes to Hollywood – Two Tribes
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RTOQUnvI3CA

Bjork – All is Full of Love
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EjAoBKagWQA

Tool – Sober
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y697CvJdMBA

a-ha – Take on Me
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rIvAsPlm8es

Pink Floyd – The Wall (The whole movie)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_bvT-DGcWw

Laurie Anderson – Life on a String
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N0KvspW3LDo

DJ Jazzy Jeff and the Fresh Prince – Parents Just Don’t Understand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-O4sSZc2WCU

The White Stripes – Fell In Love With A Girl
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q27BfBkRHbs

Herbie Hancock – Rock It
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nK0Pi4wC8Hk

New Order – True Faith
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=og1HAkjOuL0

Metallica – One
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EzgGTTtR0kc

Adam & The Ants – Stand and Deliver
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VPgHbt0ODr4

Cake – The Distance
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=__PU5CVSegg

Chris Isaak – Wicked Game
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oaHHrNQVrg

Dire Straits – Money for Nothing
http://www.veoh.com/videos/e178381Gmta9Kdw

The Cure – The Lovecats
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OwPhbsz-QKQ

Michael Jackson – Thriller
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AtyJbIOZjS8

Bob Dylan – Subterranean Homesick Blues (It’s technically not a music video. It’s a segment from a tour documentary, but it’s so often imitated that it seemed wrong not to include it.)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2-xIulyVsG8

By "tap" they mean "that ass." AMIRITE?

UPDATE ALERT: See the full article for the addendum.

Are you an awkward young male who is pathetically dependent on corporate driven pop culture for advice on how to achieve social success?  Then Pepsi has the iPhone app for you! In order to promote their AMP energy drink, Pepsi recently released an iPhone application called “AMP Up Before You Score.”  In essence, it’s an encapsulated version of the Jack Jericho character in The Pick-Up Artist (sans inevitable change of ways and subsequent emotional and moral redemption), replete with electronic bedpost notching capabilities and handy directions to the nearest bed–an electronic idiot’s guide to scumbaggery.

The gist of the functionality of the app is this: You “identify her stereotype” from a handy list, and the app returns a profile of that type.  The profile is basically a quick study guide to that type’s interests, along with links to more info and a list of lines that might work on her.

Yeah…

One has to assume Pepsi either doesn’t know women drink its products (doubtful), or lacks even a modicum of giving-a-shit-that-women-do (more probable), because there are so many offensive elements to this app that it’s difficult to know where to begin. In order to keep this diatribe from becoming a missive to be nailed on the doors of Pepsi HQ during the Great Soft Drink Reformation the cola corp is surely precipitating, here’s a quick rundown of the most repugnant facets:

1. It breaks down women into 24 convenient types. Irony fueled favorite: “Out-Of-Your-League Girl,” because face it, guys.  If you’re using a Pepsi iPhone app to help you pick up women, women are just generally out of your league. Note: These 24 types are allegedly men’s “favorite types of women,” so if you look at the list and don’t see yourself in any of the types, you’re probably hopelessly unattractive and should sign up for a foreign exchange program or buy a yourself a sorority sweatshirt and pretend, pronto. Also, if you are male and look at the list and don’t find any of those types appealing, you’re probably gay.

2. The aforementioned bedpost notchery.  That was real, I shit you not.  It allows you to store lists of conquests, because, you know, you’re going to be so deep in pussy you’re going to need a way to keep track.

3.  A brag function that allows you to tweet or update your newly laid status on Facebook, after all, what good is a notch in your bedpost if you can’t broadcast it to all and sundry?

4. That it exists. Really, that’s the most offensive part of all.

So, welcome to the Thundersquee! shit list, Pepsi.  Can one strangle a corporation with their fallopian tubes?

UPDATE: Pepsi issued an apology, and by that I mean, they tweeted a half-ass defense of their actions.

After people took to twitter in droves and started mercilessly bashing Pepsi (search #pepsifail), Pepsi tweeted the following: “Our app tried 2 show the humorous lengths guys go 2 pick up women. We apologise if it’s in bad taste & appreciate your feedback. #pepsifail.”

Really? That’s a whole lot of typing just to say “JOKE,” and the only apology I see is one that firmly places the blame on the people with the complaint.  My interpretation of the alleged apology was,  “We’re sorry you if you don’t get it.”  They’re also not withdrawing the app, presumably because it’s just too damn funny to give up.

Pepsi, my assessment still stands, and you’ve moved up a two notches on the shit list–one place for your “blame the victim” style apology, and another for substituting the number “2″ for the word “to.”

John Landis is turning Dr. Hot Who and Shaun of the Dead into grave robbers. David Tennant and Simon Pegg will now have more in common than one too many letters in their last names.  John Landis is set to direct them  in the starring roles of a dark period-comedy called “Burke and Hare.”

The movie is based on a true story about famous graverobbers, Burke And Hare, and follows the exploits of two men (Pegg as Burke, Tennant as Hare) as they fall into the highly profitable business of providing cadavers for the medical fraternity in 19th Century Edinburgh, which was the center of medical learning of the day, and was always short of bodies–bodies Burke and Hare often helped expedite into becoming cadavers.

Since reality dictates we have to be patient for some sort of clip or preview, here’s a Tennant fix after the jump to keep you edified.

Graham Norton Show episode featuring David Tennant.

(That was for you, baby fish mouth.)

Sometimes a girl (or guy) just needs a good old-fashioned vampire dicking, but until now they’ve been relatively difficult to come by (no pun intended), and most often involved a Twilight novel, an active imagination and a feeling of emptiness (every pun intended).  If only there were jiggly, silicone replicas of vampire phalluses available for purchase, these moments would be so much more fulfilling (or just filling). Alas, such things do not exist –until now!

Yes, that’s right, the wait for a Twilight dildo is over, and you can finally put a little sparkle in your, uh, love life. Tantus has added The Vamp to its product catalog. (WARNING: The link contains a product image and is not safe for work.) It’s sparkly with a “deathly pale flesh tone reminiscent of the new moon’s glow,” and guaranteed  to add more “reality” to your imaginary sex life.

A Robert Pattinson poster is not included, so here’s a Twilight video hack set to The Lonely Island’s Jizz in My Pants to help you get the party of one started.

Thanks person who passed along this link, but probably doesn’t want his name mentioned!

Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman will soon be starring together on Broadway, and when I say “starring,” I mean “melting the unnerwear off thousands of theater patrons.” Jackman is a Tony Award winning Broadway veteran, and while Craig has worked on stage in London, it took a story as harrowingly compelling as A Steady Rain to pull Craig into Broadway’s footlights. Undoubtedly, his U.S. debut will make Craig a major Broadway draw, but it may also make a star out of a formerly unknown playwright.

Keith Huff, a Chicago based editor of a medical website and amateur dramatist had written more than 60 plays,  several of which had been performed in his home town, but none had  brought him the break he had hoped for. Then, as luck would have it, he heard a news story about a botched police investigation and was inspired to use the event as a basis for a play. The resulting play was A Steady Rain, which made it to production in Chicago and received positive reviews.

At the production’s end, the play’s producer passed a copy of it to Daniel Craig, telling Huff that Craig would call him if he wanted to do it.  Months passed and Huff’s anxiety grew until he one day he answered the phone and heard “Hello, I’m Daniel Craig, and I’d like to do your play.” From there, Director  John Crowley was secured, Jackman signed on, and  the rest is on the verge of becoming history.

Keith Huff’s life has been turned on its ear, and we are left to deal with the resulting hotness. A Steady Rain will begin previews Sept. 10.  Wear asbestos underwear.

Gratuitous hotness

Robert Downey Jr. is currently in talks to play the vampire Lestat in the next installation of The Vampire Chronicles.  He would join Tom Cruise and Stuart Townsend as the third actor whose casting as Lestat makes no sense. I mean, I’ve read the books, and none of these dudes even remotely fit Rice’s description of the character, which I have always interpretted as “a young Rutger Hauer and Legolas had a baby…a vampire baby.” OK, the Legolas part is a recent addition, but you get the point.

However, it’s RDJ and he could play most any character and manage to make it work, so I’m interested to see what becomes of this. What are your thoughts?

Dear Jefferey Lurie, Joe Banner, Tom Heckert and Andy Reid,

First, I would like to cordially invite you all to eat an entire king sized bag of dicks–each–think theater popcorn extra-large.  Just strap it on like a feedbag, and go about your day.  Second of all, I would like to say, YOU SIGNED MICHAEL VICK? HAVE YOU LOST YOUR DAMNED MINDS? WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU THINKING?

There now, I feel a little bit better, but not much, and don’t think just because I can now type rationally that I’ll be taking back that dick eating request any time soon. I won’t. Now, on to more serious business.

Vick is a felon who bankrolled and possibly committed with his own hands, but certainly caused and perpetuated, incredible acts of cruelty, torture and killing. Fifty dogs were found alive on Vick’s estate, FIFTY! These dogs were in such bad psychological condition that neither the HSUS nor PETA held out any real hope for their rehabilitation. Even worse, numerous dog corpses were retrieved from graves found at various locations–dogs who had been hanged, beaten and/or mutilated to death.

Should this situation be treated any differently than if he had done this to humans? I don’t think so. Lack of empathy is lack of empathy.  That he’s capable of doing that to dogs is a strong indicator that he is capable of far worse, and yet you’ve chosen him to lead your team? Fuck that noise. I’m not buying his bullshit excuses and neither should you. He can play the cultural conditioning card all he wants, and whine things like,  “I was raised this way so I don’t see dogs the same way as the rest of society,” but you know what? All he had to do was look around. A cursory glance at the rest of our society, and the fact that what he was doing was illegal could have easily clued him in to the unacceptable nature of his acts.

And before you go saying he’s apologized, let me say this. Lip service is lip service and actions are actions. I can say anything I want. Saying something doesn’t make it true. Look, “The Jonas Brothers are my new favorite band.” See?  That shit was a lie. I loathe the Jonas Brothers and all they represent. Besides, if I were a bankrupt felon who had lost a $23 million contract by committing disgusting, inhumane acts, I’d be apologizing all over the place. I could probably even work up a tear or two thinking about the house I lost.

That being said, right now, I’m not willing to believe Vick is sorry for anything other than getting caught and finding out there are consequences to his actions. When Vick has proven that he’s changed his ways, maybe, but he hasn’t had time to prove it. He just walked out of prison.

Giving him a two-year contract is, at best, brushing aside his heinous crimes for the sake of a little bit of press for your team, and at worst, tacit approval of his acts.  Do you–no, do WE as a culture really value football over the sanctity of life?

From here on out, the Philadelphia Eagles will no longer be my favorite team.  See, I told you that saying things didn’t make them true. The Eagles have never been my favorite team, but they stand no chance of it now, because you, sirs, are on my shit list.

Sincerely,

Lily the Pink

Ashley Greene knows her etiquette. Pinkies out for proper secksies.

You don’t have to be famous to be an attention-whore, you just have to want attention so badly that the people around you want very badly to deliver the attention you so desire in the form of a brick to the face. The attention-slut is a bit different.

Before I begin, I should say that I know a few of you dislike the term “slut” as a slur against women comfortable with their own sexuality, but I argue a woman comfortable with her own sexuality is NOT a slut.  She’s just healthy, and sluts can be male or female.

That being said, an attention-slut requires fame or the desire for it. I’m defining an attention-slut as celebrities and wannabes that use sex or their sexuality to generate a press event, and while the most current batch of attention-sluts happens to be composed primarily of  females, there are plenty male examples.

What brought me to feel the need to coin the term is Ashley Greene’s nekkid photo scandal. Sure, she quickly had them removed and threatened legal action, but I can’t help but feel the whole thing has an “OOPS! I didn’t want that to happen, tee hee” ring to it.  I mean, her Twilight co-stars names are all over the place and most of you are thinking “Ashley who?” but tomorrow most everyone will have heard of her, and her name will stick in our heads.  Granted, it will probably stick in the form of “Oh yeah, that Twilight chick with the naked photos,” but that doesn’t matter because you’ll know who she is.

That’s because this tactic works. It certainly worked for Vanessa Hudgens. Heidi Montag posed for Playboy–hell even Vern Troyer has a sex tape, and Miley Cyrus has taken to pole dancing (possibly because she knows what the future has in store for her), and while it works, ultimately what they’ve done is demeaned themselves for a little PR, because, one assumes, they realized they had so little talent to rely upon that they were going to have to give their careers a boost via sex.

So welcome to the Attention-Slut Club, Ashley. It’s a little like the Mickey Mouse Club, but with Paris Hilton as the mascot.

As one might expect of a man whose class and beneficence are unrivaled, Kanye West has selflessly stepped up and volunteered himself as the new King of Pop.  Kanye’s altruism is second only to his modesty, as evidenced by his proclamation.

“There’s no one who can match me in sales and in respect so it only makes sense for me to take over Michael’s crown and become the new King of Pop. First there was Elvis, then there was Michael, now in the 21st century it’s Kanye’s time to rule.”

Heavy hangs the head that wears the crown, Kanye. It’s so brave of you to choose to wear it.

Sherlock Holmes staring Robert Downey Jr., Jude Law and Rachel McAdams is set for release on Christmas day, but the hype machine is starting early. Robert Downey Jr. and Rachel McAdams participated in a Sherlock Holmes panel discussion at San Diego Comic-Con this past weekend, and as is traditional at this sort of event, the audience was treated to sneak-preview footage of the movie.  The sneak peek was received with enthusiastic applause, and if the early buzz is any indication, Guy Ritchie might just have a hit on his hands.

Of course, it would be difficult for Squeers! to dislike any movie with RDJ attached, but Guy Ritchie hasn’t given us anything interesting since he met Madonna. Hmm…he marries Madonna and sucks; he divorces her and makes a good movie? I sense a cause and effect relationship! Speculation about the creativity and life-force draining effects of Madonna aside, if an audience this tough thought it looked good (The Con crowd is usually pedantic enough to pick a movie to shreds for minor deviations in backstory), there’s reason to believe it might actually be good.   So, here’s hoping it will live up to the positive press, but if it doesn’t we still have RDJ, and for the straight males, you’ve got Rachel McAdams.

After the jump, the new trailer and character posters. Let us know what you think.