Unless you like rejection…
Times are tough and people are looking for new ways to make money. The more entrepreneurial of us are constantly trying to come up with million dollar ideas to pitch to venture capitalists in the hope they’ll get money to develop their idea, and if you’ve ever seen shows like Dragon’s Den [...]
Remember when the M in MTV stood for music? Yeah, we do too. Fuck MTV for taking that away from us. We still love music videos as an art form, and wish MTV would come to its senses (or at least have the decency to change its name). However, it’s doubtful they’ll return to the [...]
Although, let’s face it, it does most everything for you…even that
Science has spent its entire existence making your life easier, and now science is asking for your help. Oh now, don’t give me that “I work 100+ hours a week while raising 42 children and don’t have any brain power left to devote to anything [...]
Happy Birthday, lava!
Today is Squeer! lava’s something-something birthday. She said she didn’t want a fuss, just money, but currently our pockets are overflowing with fuss, but contain very little cash. So please join us in a rousing round of happy birthday, and break out your best breakfast wine to toast our dear lava. I should [...]
Because even the proletariat (we mean Janet) have to be born Edition
We hags understand that celebrating in style requires more cash than most grad students have on hand, but we still want Janet to have the best birthday possible, because she is awesome. Realizing that Gwyneth Paltrow is a veritable font of advice on economically [...]
You’re my everything, blue blouse with the ruffle and capped sleeves…
Miley Cyrus was recently on the Today show and told Matt Lauer her current album was written for her clothing line. Has there been a teenage song writer capable of more depth? I’d have to go all the way back to Fiona Apple, but [...]
Nuts on the half-shell
Do you have a poodle, yet wish it was a panda, camel, or uh, psychedelic experience? Then you’re in luck, because apparently a group of lunatics artists felt poodles hadn’t suffered enough humiliation at the hands of groomers, and decided they made the perfect medium for their art. Granted, some of the [...]
This may be why she can’t commit
According to contactmusic.com, Drew Barrymore loves dolphins…a lot. No, I know what you’re thinking, but more than that. They say:
The ‘He’s Just Not That Into You’ actress is obsessed with the placid marine mammals, and has even turned her home into a shrine to them.
According to National Enquirer magazine, [...]
Or maybe they just hate us…
AOL Radio recently launched their new All Nickelback radio station. That’s right, all Nickelback all the time. In their announcement they excitedly state:
Fans can hear every song Nickelback has ever released, including rare acoustic and live versions. Chad Kroeger’s solo tracks are in the mix as well!
The band is [...]
Portmanteau Police Edition
Fuck you, bloggers (other than us). Did you really have to label Owen Wilson and Woody Harrelson’s trip a mancation? That shit was simply unnecessary, and you know what? Because you’ve gone and pissed me off, I’ve decided to enact a ban on all man related portmanteaus. From now on, mancations, mankinis and [...]
The list grows
An open letter to MSNBC
Dear MSNBC,
Why must you make me want to kill you in the face? I just got back from kicking CNN’s collective ass for their use of “weisure,” and quite frankly, I’m exhausted. Rest assured, however, that I am never too tired for a portmanteau pummeling, and your recent use [...]
and kaput
Television huckster Billy Mays, known for his for his ability to hawk a product in tones that were still audible after you’d hit the mute button, was found dead in his home today at age 50. Cause of Death has yet to be determined.
I think the most fitting TS! tribute to Mr. Mays is [...]
Live Chat with John Oates
For all your retro-rewinders, we just got a press release we thought you’d find interesting.
John Oates, of the legendary band Hall and Oates, will be making a special live, interactive appearance on Taphandle-TV on June 26th at 12:30pm Pacific Time. He will be talking about everything he’s been up to, and [...]
TLC really needs to change its name
If you’ve ever dreamed of spray painting your toddler orange, gluing their clothing to their butt cheeks, then parading them around in front of an audience of warped adults and their children, then this is the show for you–and possibly Gary Glitter. The show first aired in January of [...]
Ed McMahon died today, June 23, 2009, at the Ronald Reagan/UCLA Medical Center. His death was attributed to pneumonia and other medical problems. He was a gameshow host, professional sidekick, Starsearcher and Publisher’s Clearing House huckster, and wanted you to turn your gold into cash, but most notably, he was the man who spent 30 [...]
And the jawbone of an ass
I’ve never really had a strong opinion of Tom Clancy in any particular direction. His politics are different than mine, and that’s fine. I have enjoyed some of the movies made from his books, yet found his books a bit boring. That’s fine too. I suppose what it comes down [...]
If the dogs don’t get them first
Is there anything left that doesn’t want to feast on the facial flesh of our children? Last night I was working away on a dog-proof suit when an IM containing a link came my way. Imagine my surprise when I clicked the link and found that computers want to [...]
Lily Lives (Hopefully not nightmare fuel)
Recently I’ve been caught in the evil clutches of an illness that’s kept me feverish for several days. Said fever caused some seriously messed up dreams–nightmares about things that aren’t normally nightmarish, specifically. So when Mr. The Pink passed along an article about Nightmare Fuel, I was inspired. TVtropes.com describes [...]
Do you know where your towel is?
For those in the U.S. it’s Memorial Day, true, but a holiday with a broader scope is upon us. It’s Towel Day, an annual, global celebration of the life and works of the late author Douglas Adams. Why a towel? Because, in the Hitchhiker’s universe a towel is not [...]
Fascist dictator Edition
A friend was recently forced to attend a very dull “government policy and procedure” type meeting. In order to liven things up, her boyfriend (also a friend) began bombarding her with IMs that rhymed with “Mussolini made the trains run on time,” and challenged me to join in. Always up for word play [...]