Some of the hags recently had a Facebook conversation wherein Cait mentioned that we would definitely rescue Stopthemadness from Albanian kidnappers, a la Taken. Obviously, I thoroughly agreed, and it made me jokingly mention a hag movie, which then led to wonder who I would want to play me.  I thought that would be a pretty easy question to answer, but it brought up a lot more questions for me, instead. Should I go with an actress who looks like an idealized version of me, or someone who has range and can portray me in an honest and fairly accurate way? What about someone whose personality is close to my own, but requires a lot of work to look like me (padding, for a start)?  Should I stick to the current pool of actresses or open things up to include everyone? Maybe I should just  go with someone I think kicks ass.  This should be easier!

I decided to stick with modern actresses, but those who at least share the same coloring as me are sparse.  I have brown hair and blue eyes, and while the first actress that comes to mind is Angelina Jolie, fuck that.  Yes, she’s gorgeous and intelligent, and maybe I would choose her if she were still the Angelina Jolie she was in Hackers, but now she’s too thin, too perfect and too beautiful.  Megan Fox also has dark hair and blue eyes, but hell to the motherfucking no.  After a series of ideas all ending in “no,”  I finally decided to scrap the eye color criteria  (Contact lenses for the win!), and was able to figure it out.  So here’s my choice.

Rachel Weisz:

Who would you choose to play you?