The biggest emotional roller coaster you’ll ride all day comes in the form of the best possible outcome to a mother’s worst nightmare. CCTV footage captured an Australian woman standing on a train platform losing control of the baby carriage holding her 6 month old child.  She’s forced to watch in horror as the carriage falls onto the track and is almost instantly hit by a train.  I know, you’re thinking “OMG, LILY DON’T TELL ME THIS!” But guess what!  The baby is fine!  This afternoon awesome is brought to you by the defiance of all odds and the number 7!

Look, Australia, we know you’ve had it rough. It can’t be easy having New Zealand hanging out in the wings, taunting you with its awe inspiring landscape, relatively mild climate, 16 species of penguins, laid back citizenry and a rugby team that has a history of stomping your asses (Tip: The name Wallabies probably doesn’t intimidate a team called the All Blacks). But seriously, you’re on the brink of causing an all out “We Love Our Penguins More” war.

Yes, yes, we know the Kiwis don’t fight fair.  You started knitting tiny sweaters for your little Fairy Penguins (I swear that’s their actual name, but I don’t know if they’re really magic or not), and New Zealand smacked you upside the head by training theirs to compete in an Olympic Penguathalon. But, now–now you’re upping the ante too much.  No good can come of setting up snipers to protect your penguins.  Have you considered that if dingos are eating your baby penguins, then maybe you could try less drastic measures first, like, oh, let’s see…scaring them away? Trying to protect your penguins is an admirable gesture, but how is New Zealand going to respond?  Given their overzealous response to your sweater knitting, our guess would be by training their penguins in the use of nuclear weaponry, and when that day comes, when the penguins have nuclear capabilities, we are all done for. So please, Australia, reconsider, and remember, you’ll always have koalas.