Mr. Can I Use Your Phone Edition
Dear Mr. Can I Use Your Phone:
By all means. I love nothing more than strangers in dire need of a thorough grooming breathing any and all diseases they may be harboring (and in your case, they may be numerous) all over something I regularly hold to my face. Nothing [...]
Scary Fetishist Edition
Dear Scary Fetishist:
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, nyet, nein, non, nuh uh, NO! No, the answer is no. Have I mentioned no? You may very definitely NOT lick the rain (or anything else for that matter) off my feet. In fact, you may not even look at my feet ever again. [...]
“Freaky Guy Who Smells Like Dog” Edition
Dear Freaky Guy Who Smells Like Dog:
Why do you smell so heavily of wet dog? Every time you get on the bus, I am puzzled by your odor. You don’t look like the sort of person to whom people would entrust their pets, and after brief yet numerous moments [...]