Nooooo! YAAAAYYY!
The biggest emotional roller coaster you’ll ride all day comes in the form of the best possible outcome to a mother’s worst nightmare. CCTV footage captured an Australian woman standing on a train platform losing control of the baby carriage holding her 6 month old child. She’s forced to watch in horror as the [...]
“I’m at LEAST two”
Last night I was mindin’ muh business, perusing Facebook, when an update appeared from my friend Rev. Random. The Rev usually has something interesting, insightful, or hilarious to say, so my natural inclination was to click the link. I did, and that’s when all reason left me and I was unable to [...]
And speaking in tongues
Occasionally a product comes along that you know is destined for greatness. This, dear squeers, is one of those products. It’s not often we stamp our giant Thundersquee! Squeel! of approval on something. We are some picky bitches, but try as we might, we can see no downside–except maybe that it has [...]
Remember when the M in MTV stood for music? Yeah, we do too. Fuck MTV for taking that away from us. We still love music videos as an art form, and wish MTV would come to its senses (or at least have the decency to change its name). However, it’s doubtful they’ll return to the [...]
Happy Birthday, lava!
Today is Squeer! lava’s something-something birthday. She said she didn’t want a fuss, just money, but currently our pockets are overflowing with fuss, but contain very little cash. So please join us in a rousing round of happy birthday, and break out your best breakfast wine to toast our dear lava. I should [...]
WTF!? Edition
Thanks to a tip from AdmittedlyAddicted, we bring you a pole dancing doll, because your daughter needs to learn to be sexually objectified at the earliest possible age. Hey! Great idea just in (my head). You could buy her a Glutton baby too, and she could pretend like the flowers on the bra are [...]
Because even the proletariat (we mean Janet) have to be born Edition
We hags understand that celebrating in style requires more cash than most grad students have on hand, but we still want Janet to have the best birthday possible, because she is awesome. Realizing that Gwyneth Paltrow is a veritable font of advice on economically [...]
Replied Fu Hu, eff you, too, foo’
Chinese immigrant Fu Hu, who runs a drink bar in Auckland, New Zealand, sustained a serious eye injury when a bottle of Keri juice (a brand owned by Coca-Cola) exploded in his face. The 2.4L bottle of juice had apparently fermented, even though it was within its use-by date, [...]
IYKWIMAITYD
(That was for you, baby fish mouth.)
Sometimes a girl (or guy) just needs a good old-fashioned vampire dicking, but until now they’ve been relatively difficult to come by (no pun intended), and most often involved a Twilight novel, an active imagination and a feeling of emptiness (every pun intended). If only there were jiggly, silicone [...]
I think I’ve spotted the problem
Nuts on the half-shell
Do you have a poodle, yet wish it was a panda, camel, or uh, psychedelic experience? Then you’re in luck, because apparently a group of lunatics artists felt poodles hadn’t suffered enough humiliation at the hands of groomers, and decided they made the perfect medium for their art. Granted, some of the [...]
Will never pass the dutchie ‘pon the left hand side
Since 1998, each August Beloit College’s Keefer Professor of the Humanities Tom McBride and Emeritus Public Affairs Director Ron Niefhas have compiled the Beloit College Mindset List. The list defines the cultural experience of the incoming freshman class by taking a look at the cultural touchstones [...]
Careful Mellisa, I hear irony can cause low birth weight, too.
Sorry, they’re all out of Laserdisc players
Thanks, Matt N.!
Correction, a LOT hotter
Daniel Craig and Hugh Jackman will soon be starring together on Broadway, and when I say “starring,” I mean “melting the unnerwear off thousands of theater patrons.” Jackman is a Tony Award winning Broadway veteran, and while Craig has worked on stage in London, it took a story as harrowingly compelling [...]
Instructional signs. Japan’s doing it wrong.
Owned by a little old anthropomorphic personification who only harvested souls on Sundays
Serious inquiries only. Ask for Albert. If there’s no answer, don’t worry, he has your number.
Thanks again to Matt N. for the tip!
Alan!
I don’t know what it is, or why it is, or even what it means, if anything, but I love it, and can’t explain why.
No seriously…
Maybe Jennifer Love Hewitt decided tennis whites were boring and that tennis shoes didn’t provide enough of a challenge? Maybe she was terrified of not looking “sexy” for Jamie Kennedy? Who knows, but for whatever reason, while she and Kennedy were vacationing in Hawaii she decided to play tennis in a bikini and wedge [...]
And possibly leading to RDJ goodness
Robert Downey Jr. is currently in talks to play the vampire Lestat in the next installation of The Vampire Chronicles. He would join Tom Cruise and Stuart Townsend as the third actor whose casting as Lestat makes no sense. I mean, I’ve read the books, and none of these dudes [...]