In English her name is Gluttonous Baby, or possibly–according to Google Language Tools–Baby Wolverine. Wait, what? Hold on a sec.  Google’s translation has really thrown me for a loop so I’m going to have to  consult our resident Spanish Language Expert. (We have an expert for everything here at Thundersquee!) OK, our expert has weighed in on the side of  the “gluttonous baby” translation, and given that and the absence of  X-Men or giant weasels on the product’s packaging, I am going with “Gluttonous Baby.” Now that that’s settled, let’s move forward.

Glutton Baby (True translation be damned, I like the name better that way) is a new toy from the Spanish toymaker Berjuan . Much like the Baby Alive of yore (which is nightmare fodder I had forgotten about until just now. “She poops clear, mommy!” *shudder*) her mouth moves in a semi-sucking way, except, well, she breastfeeds. That’s right, your daughter (or son) can now breastfeed, just like mommy–or daddy if he really works at it.

Glutton Baby’s purpose is to introduce the concept of breastfeeding early in life, and to promote it as a natural thing to do.  The kit contains a bra type thing with flowers instead of nipples that your toddler wears to use as sort of pretend breasts, and the way things seem to work is that Glutton Baby cries when she’s hungry, so your child picks her up, and Glutton Baby’s proximity to the flower-nipple thing activates the doll’s suckling action.  (It’s hard to explain, and little odd, so here’s a video. Note the baby kind of sounds like a cat in heat.)

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I am a proponent of breastfeeding whenever possible, but do you want your toddler suckling things? In my experience, toddlers lack judgement because they are…toddlers, and that fact could lead to some strange scenarios in which you have a lot of splaining to do.  I’m far from a puritan, and the idea seems weird to me. Is it just the application of the idea that’s weird?  Am I the one who is weird? (Don’t answer that.) What do you think?

NPR’s Linda Holmes created a list of the ten worst jobs for Wolverine.  It’s a pretty good list:

1. Balloon-animal artist

2. High-voltage electrician

3. Prop comic/juggler

4. Obstetrician

5. Deep-tissue masseur

6. Dental hygienist

7. Ship-in-a-bottle assembler

8. TSA screener

9. Attendant in library rare-books room

10. Quality assurance inspector, gossamer scarves

But, we think you can do better. What would go on your list?

From the moment Hugh Jackman was announced as the host of the 81st Annual Academy Awards we were assured a very musical ceremony. However, the night still held a few surprises, and the opener held more than its fair share of them.  For one thing, who knew Wolverine was THAT charismatic?  He took what could have been a cheesy, slightly conceited opening song-and-dance number and injected it with personality. Granted, he got a little help from Anne Hathaway who showed the world a damned passable Nixon imitation and that she could sing, but for the most part it was all Jackman and he owned it.  He most assuredly bought himself a little gratitude from the Academy, and in doing so made himself just a little bit hotter in most of our eyes, if that’s even possible.

Then there was the “kinder, gentler, we’re accessible and just like you, touchy feely” method of delivering the awards for the acting categories. Five previous winners of the award gushed, in turn, about their assigned nominee before the winner was announced.  This helped make these awards feel less like an industry praising itself, and more like peers lauding peers, but it also failed horribly at times.  When Shirley McLaine stammered a bit through her Anne Hathaway love-fest it broke the spell and made you think Anne Hathaway had just been bullshitted to the point of tears.  Yet, when it worked it really worked. When De Niro read his scripted kudos to Sean Penn he ad libbed enough to show the sentiment was genuine, and you felt he was truly proud to be standing there talking about a good friend.

The rest of the show was fairly predictable.  Most of the world had money on Slumdog Millionaire, so few were surprised it took home Best Picture. Everyone agreed it was going to be Winslet’s night, and it was, and, in the wake of the Prop 8 it was expected that Milk would be rewarded.  Afterall, Sean Penn kissed a man–well–and made us believe he meant it.  His portrayal was deserving, but his award for it was yawningly predictable.   However Penn himself is anything but, and true to his nature,  he managed to provide the biggest surprise of the night.  Sean Penn can be charming and ingratiating.  Who knew?